Lefty Limbo

Shamshiri Grill in Westwood has always been a favorite dinner destination spot for us. It’s close by, serves immense portions for cheap, the food is fresh and tasty, our kid digs it, and it’s open late. Trust me, when you’re a new parent on the Westside, all these things really matter.

Last night we ordered the usual—Beef Koobideh with a side of fries. My wife and I, in our shared morbid humour, have constantly joked that the long, clumpy logs of delectable beef look a lot like the trains of digested material which our bodies dispatch every so often. Yes, quite a disgusting synonymity, but we would shrug it off and dig in (to the Koobideh, that is).

But last night was nearly an exception; for me, at least, after taking a trip to their restroom and being greeted with a clogged toilet, stuffed with too much toilet paper and crinkly butt protectors. The real clincher (no pun intended)? A huge, honkin’, curled up fecal super-mega-log on top of it all, which stared up at me like, “Hell no, I ain’t goin’ down!”

I’m not easily disturbed…in fact, I actually seek obscure morbid morsels…but this was definitely something I didn’t want to see before chowing down on something that looked remarkably identical to it. So I turned towards the urinal and did my business, but that shit sausage wouldn’t leave me alone. It was like a horrible traffic accident—you know it’s terrible, but you can’t help but look.

Ugh. My stomach reeled for some seconds and surely my face twisted in disgust. I tried to flush the toilet by extending my foot to the flusher. The toilet gurgled to life and made the mess rise even higher. “Aw, fuck!” I gasped, and prepared to stand on my tippy toes as I watched the icky shit stew fill the bowl—if that log could laugh, I’m sure it was howling—but thankfully, it didn’t overflow. What a relief.

I finished up and got outta there, wondering if someone was going to be waiting to use the bathroom. Nobody was there. But I’m sure it was gonna be a treat to whoever went next. Then there’s the person who has to actually clean it…

I’ve decided to immortalize this momentous occasion by drawing the log in all its glory. And there you have it. 10 of 99.

So, I’ve been steadily losing weight and body fat since May 27, largely due to a drastic U-turn in my lifestyle—minimal carb intake (next to none) and a regular exercise schedule. Ok, so I kinda cheat on the weekends (Father’s Day was especially decadent on the taste buds), but during the week I’m definitely full bore. All this in hopes of winning a contest, and to reach my target weight, the magic number which I used to weigh long, long ago.

The biggest challenge has been staying away from bread, rice, chips and sweets. *Ugh* Especially at breakfast time, when nothing else would hit the spot better than a nice pair of toasted white bread with melted butter on top to have with my coffee (which I’ve also cut, btw). Then there’s rice—c’mon, I’m Flip, so that should be an obvious issue. Chips? What better to go with a sandwich…wait, no bread. Man! Sweets? Two words—dark chocolate. Dang!

Well, nobody said dieting would be fun. So, to make some light of it, I’ve decided to use 7 of 99 to illustrate my frustrations. Enjoy.

Drawn out of inspiration by the documentary The Phoenix Lights, I present to you 6 of 99.

I’ve always been fascinated by UFOs and extra-terrestrial life in general. In my lifetime I hope to meet someone, or something, from another planet. Who knows. Maybe I already have, and just don’t know it. Or maybe I’m from another planet and don’t know it.

Anyways, The Phoenix Lights movie was pretty darn interesting. It also makes me wonder if the UFOs that we see are genuine visitors from outer space, or if they’re captured vehicles taken out for a spin by our friendly armed forces. Hell, if Will Smith did it in Independence Day, then anyone can, right?

To update you on my fat-burning progress, I’ve been working out and eating healthy, and so far appear to have lost about 6-7 pounds. I feel that great, motivating burn after working out, but it sucks to have the cravings for sweet and salty snacks. We’ll just have to wait and see.

I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything for the 99 Doodles. Well here it is, #5. Yes, a slight departure from the usual assortment of random tidbits that make up my average doodles…this one is truly inspired by none other than Robert Crumb, whose random characters I’ve always enjoyed. Actually, Crumb is a pretty obvious influence in most of my work.

At long last. This was done a few weeks ago, but I never bothered to scan it in until now. Enjoy.